the end

this minute

I am currently sat on my kitchen work table on carls laptop in my new flat :)
I know it's been a while since i've updated this at all, but that is partly because i am waiting for my own laptop to arrive!
I don't have time for anything lengthy now, as emma, claire and carl are coming for dinner soon, but i wanted to make note that i moved in yesterday to a beautiful flat, that i feel very lucky, and that i feel like there's a sense of excitement in the air at the minute, and i love it.

dear let down.

i am so bored of this.

stay. away.

signed, writer.

the book.

i'm waking you up to tell you i love you.



:)

I Love, You Love

I wonder if it's possible to hit rock bottom if you're next to me?

<3

We have the rest of our lives.

doors

Today was one of those days I know i'll want to remember;
I haven't written anything about any of this because of a little voice in my head telling me not to jinx it, but recently my manager at Kurt Geiger has been talking about making me a supervisor. For weeks and weeks it's been playing on my mind that i could either be living in Birmingham and working for KG, or in London studying.
Nearing the end of those few weeks i realised it was a win win situation and i'm lucky to have such opportunities! I'd be lying if I said Carl wasn't a factor in this at all, but he's certainly not the reason I'd stay. I'm just so happy to find a company that appreciates what i do, recognises when i achieve something and has such lovely people working for them. And if I went i'd be at the heart of it all, in one of my favourite cities and it would most certainly be an experience.
So today I was called in to the office and told that the area manager, Liz, came yesterday and my manager, told her that if i couldn't get the supervisor position I would have to leave- to which she apparently responded by saying she can see what i've done in the shop, she has big plans for me and she'll do what it takes to keep me in the company.
None of it has really sunk in yet, and to be honest i'm still a little scared of jinxing this before i've signed my contract on Monday, but it looks like i'm staying and i'm very very happy!

weakness

Today Mum went in to hospital for a really minor operation. She'll be there for a week, and then will need looking after for a month or so.
I don't know whether it's because i'm the younger daughter or just how I am about blood and stuff, but everyone was pretty reluctant for me to go. I even think Mum told Carl to 'look after me' after i'd been to visit her, which at first I found a little patronising.
However, now that i've actually been to see her, i realise i've never seen her so vulnerable or in pain. With the exception of the occasional headache my mum is normally on top form, so i guess today was a little weird.
The silver lining is that Carl and I have the house to ourselves for a week! AND he finally got his passport back so Venice here we come :). It feels like there's a lot going on right now, so this post is a bit of a mess but there's a few other things that have happened;
It was my last day at Punky Fish on Wednesday (22nd)- I feel the biggest sense of relief to be rid of that place and those people!
I also haven't really been to Leicester for a month and I think it's starting to get to me a little- I'm missing Sandy, Molly, and Elliott a lot.

Anyway, i'll polish this later!

c.

i've never felt this safe when i've been so lost, i think it's something about your arms.

it's almost like falling in love

good fortune

That's where it gets you- thinking you have a choice.

Love finds you, you don't find love.

i picture.

no matter how i approach this i can't fault it.

i imagine the rest to be beautiful,

i am not interested in the alternative.

Anna Begins.

My friend assures me, it's all or nothing,
I am not worried- I am not overly concerned.
My friend implores me, for one time only,
Make an exception. I am not worried.
Wrap her up in a package of lies,
Send her off to a coconut island,
I am not worried- I am not overly concerned,
With the status of my emotions.
Oh she says you're changing,
But we're always changing.
It does not bother me to say this isn't love,
Because if you don't wanna talk about it then it isn't love,
And i guess i'm gonna have to live with that.
But, i'm sure there's something in the shade of grey,
Or something inbetween.
I can always change my name if that's what you mean.
My friend assures me, it's all or nothing,
But I am not really worried.
I am not overly concerned.
You try to tell youself the things you try to tell your self forget,
To make yourself forget.
I am not worried.
If it's love she said,
Well we're gonna have to think about the consequences.
She can't stop shaking,
And i can't stop touching her and,
This time kindness falls like rain,
And it washes her away, and Anna begins to change her mind.
These seconds when i'm shaking leave me shuddering for days she said.
And i'm not ready for this sort of thing.
But I'm not gonna break,
And i'm not gonna worry about it anymore.
I'm not gonna bend, and i'm not gonna break,
And i'm not gonna worry about it anymore.
It seems like i should say, as long as this is love,
But it's not all that easy,
So maybe I should snap her up in a butterfly net,
Pin her down on a photograph album.
I am not worried because i've done this sort of thing before.
But then i start to think about the consequences,
And i don't get no sleep in a quiet room and this time,
When kindness falls like rain, it washes me away,
And Anna begins to change my mind.
And everytime she sneezes I believe it's love,
And Oh Lord, i'm not ready for this sort of thing.
She's talking in her sleep, it's keeping me awake,
And Anna begins to toss and turn,
And every word is nonsense but i understand.
Oh lord I'm not ready for this sort of thing.
Her kindness bangs a gong,
It's moving me along,
And Anna begins to fade away.
It's chasing me away,
She dissapears.
And oh lord,
I'm not ready for this sort of thing.

have you seen me lately?

It's such a shame that you have completley lost your way.

but i don't believe in sundays

I feel as though everything is as it should be.

my dad's a bad man

Haha, i love this.

my 16th

Weirdly, a week before my 17th i randomly turned on my mother's laptop and found the pictures from mylast birthday, which i thought some of you would like to laugh at!

gay pride weekend!